Blogs from June, 2020

Parenting plans play a vital role in custody disputes, laying out the terms for how co-parents conduct themselves and further their child(ren)'s best interests.

Most parenting plans have mandatory clauses, but parents usually have a degree of flexibility when designing plans. Taking advantage of that versatility can help you and your co-parent develop a custody arrangement that facilitates a better family dynamic and helps your child thrive. Today, we're covering what you need to include in your parenting plan in 2020.

Reducing Conflict Using Ant-Disparagement Clauses

Even if you and your co-parent aren't on the greatest terms, it's in you and your child's best interests to make the co-parenting dynamic as conflict-free as you can.

One of the traps many co-parents fall into is (often unintentionally) creating a dynamic where the child feels "torn" between their parents. This usually happens when a child feels like they have to "take the side" of a parent during a familial conflict.

You can help prevent this by including a clause in your parenting plan prohibiting you and your co-parent from disparaging one another in front of your child. This allows you to keep conflicts between yourselves, disentangling your child from disputes you have as co-parents.

Of course, you should put reasonable restrictions on anti-disparagement clauses. If your co-parent engages in behavior that's obviously inappropriate (like over-disciplining your child), you should feel able to support your child and let them know you don't condone your co-parent's actions. But a more general anti-disparagement clause can be a fantastic tool in any parenting plan.

Avoiding the "Good Cop, Bad Cop" Dynamic

Another trap many co-parents unwittingly fall into is creating a "good cop, bad cop." dynamic.

This typically happens if the parents have different boundaries. For example, let's say you expect your child to spend at least two hours a night on their schoolwork and encourage them to maintain good grades. In contrast, your co-parent has no requirements for how long your child should spend on homework or what sort of grades they should get.

Incongruent boundaries between co-parents can quickly create familial conflict. Whichever parent has the stricter boundaries may feel like their co-parent undermines their authority or goes against their child's best interests. Conversely, the parent with laxer boundaries may feel as though their co-parent puts too much pressure on their child.

You and your co-parent should honestly discuss and agree upon:

• Behavioral boundaries;
• Academic expectations;
• Discipline techniques you'll use;

And whatever other boundaries you think are important for your child. Once you agree on boundaries, make them an official part of your parenting plan, so they're set in stone. Obviously, as your child matures, you'll need to re-evaluate boundaries, but incorporating them into the custody order is a great way to foster a healthy family dynamic.

Consider Itemizing Costs

Co-parents often split paying for significant costs, like health insurance premiums. However, that's not always the best move.

Splitting costs can get tricky if a parent isn't able to pay for a bill one month, saddling the other parent with the responsibility for the payment. Instead, consider itemizing costs for benefits like health insurance. It will be easier to budget for costs if you control the entire payment.

Itemizing costs can also make establishing an equitable child support arrangement easier. Costs like health insurance often factor into child support payments, and itemizing them makes it easier to calculate accurate child support obligations for the noncustodial parent.

There you have it! Three things you can do to make your parenting plan more manageable in 2020.

At the Law Offices of Daniel J. Miller, we help parents navigate child custody disputes with confidence.

Schedule a consultation with our team and find the best path forward in your child support case today. Contact us online or via phone at (757) 267-4949">(757) 267-4949!

There are a variety of ways to resolve a divorce, but some of the most popular are uncontested and contested divorce. If you're heading into a divorce, you're probably hearing these terms a lot and might wonder, "what's the right choice for me?"

That's precisely what we're exploring in today's blog. We'll give you a run-down of what exactly contested and uncontested divorce entail and provide you with information that can help you decide which method is right for you.

What Is a Contested Divorce?

If you and your partner disagree on any aspect of your divorce (child custody, spousal or child support, how to divide assets and liabilities, etc.), you've got a contested divorce on your hands.

When people hear the word "divorce" and picture a courtroom battle where two spouses dispute the terms of their divorce in court, they're imagining a contested divorce. While media makes contested divorce seem like the end-all-be-all of the divorce process, in reality, the vast majority of court cases are settled out of court.

Contested in-court divorces can be expensive, drawn-out endeavors. Every divorce case is different, but the process for a contested in-court divorce typically looks something like:

• One party files for divorce with the family law court in their county;
• They serve their spouse a notice of the divorce;
• The parties hire lawyers to represent them in court, or choose to represent themselves;
• The court holds hearings in which the attorneys argue their client's case and try to establish equitable terms for the divorce;
• If the parties reach an agreement, they can settle the divorce out of court;
• If the parties cannot agree, even after extended negotiations, the court can issue a court-ordered divorce decree laying out terms for the divorce the judge deems equitable.

At this point, you may be wondering what the alternative is. That brings us to...

What Is Uncontested Divorce?

An uncontested divorce occurs when two parties agree on terms for the divorce.

Many divorces start out contested but transform into an uncontested divorce once the spouses have time to speak with their attorneys, understand the divorce process, and negotiate more with their soon-to-be-ex.

Many family law courts consider a contested in-court divorce resulting in a court-ordered divorce decree to be a worst-case scenario. That's because, when the court decides a divorce for two parties, it removes either spouse's agency in the process. Judges generally want to avoid that, since they assume each spouse knows what's best for them (and each other) better than the court.

As a result, many family law courts try to use methods of alternative dispute resolution, like mediation, to transform a contested divorce into an uncontested divorce.

Is Uncontested or Contested Divorce Right for Me?

The answer depends on the unique aspects of your divorce case.

While contested in-court divorces can be more combative and costly than an uncontested divorce, they do have positive aspects. For example, most courts require a contested in-court divorce when a factor like domestic violence plays a role in the divorce, since having a judge oversee the process can help protect the divorcees' rights and prevent power imbalances in the relationship from playing a role in the outcome.

Alternatively, if you want to remain on good terms with your soon-to-be-ex and want a faster, less stressful way to dissolve your marriage, an uncontested divorce may be the better option. It is the quickest way to get a divorce.

You should consult your divorce attorney before making decisions about how to pursue your divorce.

At The Law Offices of Daniel J. Miller, we help clients in Virginia find the best path forward in the divorce process.

To schedule a consultation with our team or learn more about what we can do for you, contact us online or via phone at (757) 267-4949">(757) 267-4949.